What makes a home?

It's been a really long week, with the girls taking turns to come down with the dreaded hand foot mouth disease. We had to send them away to parents' and parent-in- laws' houses in the day to keep them from kissing Baby and passing it on to him. So I haven't been able to care for them in their sickness. Thankfully, dh has been caring for them, and he has become their hero.

After being at grandma's house all day, Lolo said to Daddy, " I want to go home." Daddy asked, " Do you miss home?" Lolo laughed, despite the pain she was feeling from the ulcers in her mouth, and said, " The home doesn't have eyes, and hands, and legs, right?" She was missing mommy and her beloved brother and sister, and we were 'home' to her.

What makes a home? The people living in it whom one loves.

Missing Dad

Have been missing Daddy very much lately. When Nate was born, people said he looked like Dad. It is really comforting to know that my son who would not meet his grandfather on this earth actually resembles him.

Was trying to calm a very fussy Nate in the middle of the night and no position seemed to please him. Then I suddenly remembered how Daddy would put Lauren to sleep and would tell me, " I just keep patting her bum and she would go to sleep." I tried that, and Nate calmed down immediately.

I know Daddy would be carrying Nate all the time and spoiling him rotten if he was here. He would cuddle him and put him to sleep and relieve me of time I could spend with the girls. Daddy loves babies.

Death and separation is such a painful thing I don't think anyone ever stops feeling the pain while we live. But what glorious hope I have that I will see Daddy again in heaven, and we would never be separated again for eternity. I look forward to the day I see Daddy again. In the meantime, I will tell Nate about him and try to impart the values that Daddy had imparted in me.

Memorable conversations with the children

Lolo says the funniest things sometimes, and this is one of them:

Lolo: "Mommy, I want that... that... I want what Jie Jie has."
Mommy: You want the computer? ( a kiddy one)
Lolo: Yes, the cucumber.

Chris amazes me with her words of wisdom sometimes:

Mommy ( talking to mom-in-law): The government should give stay-at-home moms more incentives because we are the ones who are producing more children. Those who go to work don't want to have children.

Chris ( pipes in after listening to our conversation) : That's because they can't take care of their own children.

Baby Nathaniel Arrived- 3 weeks early!

Today is Sept 28, and baby Nathaniel was due to come out yesterday. Instead, he decided he couldn't wait to see the world, and came out 3 weeks ago on Sept 5. This worked out well for me, because it meant I could start eating ice-cream and whatever I had to abstain from 3 weeks earlier. Also, the gestational diabetes I had was a blessing in disguise, because when Baby came out, the 6kg I gained from the pregnancy was lost pretty quickly, and I'm now back to my pre-pregnancy weight! :)

The labour was short, about 4 hours from the beginning to the end. After being kicked out of my bed by Lolo, I went to her bed but I couldn't sleep. I kept feeling like I 'had to go'. Thought my constipation was finally clearing up. But after a few fruitless trips to the bathroom, it suddenly dawned upon me that the regularity of the feeling could mean contractions. That was about 5am. I woke dh up, and told him I had contractions. He dismissed it as Braxton Hicks as it was just the beginning of the month, but woke up anyway. While we were contemplating whether to go to the hospital or not, he noticed blood on my nightgown. We both decided we should head to the hospital.

Baby shot out after 1 push, and the rest is history.

The past month has been challenging, to say the least. Week 1 was sheer torture and pain ( was tougher even than the labor) with leaky and sore boobs and breastfeeding. Week 2 was better with Baby having mastered latching on to the boobs and sleeping lots. Week 3 was sheer exhaustion from sleeping a max of 2 hours at each time with Baby feeding round the clock.

I wouldn't go so far as to say I want more kids after #3 at this point in tim, but I'm exceedingly thankful for the 3 children God has blessed me with. Seeing Baby's expressions and seeing him grow everyday is like seeing a miracle unfolding in front of my eyes, and somehow the pain and exhaustion pale in comparison to the joy of watching a life grow. The gals' responses have been so great, and that really adds to the sense of bliss. Chris says, " My baby is the cutest in the world." Lolo goes around telling everyone, " This is MY baby, not YOURS!"

"You look tired"

I'm now 36 weeks, and feeling like a penguin who ate too much. I don't walk anymore, I waddle. I feel like a watermelon has been strapped on to my tummy, and trying to sleep with it is almost impossible now.

Every person I meet would remark, " You look tired." I actually don't feel as tired as I look, but waking up 10 times to go to the bathroom at night, and having a toddler who still wets her bed occasionally and who makes a nightly visit to our bed while we sleep does take its toll. I shudder to imagine how I would look like AFTER baby is out, and taking care of 3 kids under 5 yrs old on my own.

I'm psyching myself up and getting ready to suffer, I just don't know if my body will break down in protest of the constant sleep deprivation.


But God's grace is sufficient for me, and His power will be made perfect in my weakness.

What sweetness and maturity!

Chris blessed my heart first thing this morning when she woke up, came out to the living room and saw piles of folded clothes on the floor. I was in the kitchen preparing breakfast, and wondering why she was taking so long to come into the kitchen. When I went to look for her, I saw her putting the clothes into her drawers. She totally took the initiative to keep the clothes!

Then, I explained to her that our part-time help wasn't coming anymore ( that's why I had to fold the laundry the night before till 1am!). She said, " Okay. That means I'LL help you."

Wow! What maturity from a 41/2 yr old! I hope she'll remember what she had said. At least I have this blog to remind her!

Commencement 2009

July 7 -Tonight was the Commencement ceremony, and I went up the stage to collect my Masters degree scroll. I wasn't planning on going, but thought that it would probably be the last time I would graduate with a degree of some kind.

As I sat there in the hall with hundreds of others clad in our gowns, waiting for the time to get up to the stage, I reflected on the journey that led up to this night. I'd applied to do my Masters before I knew I was pregnant, got accepted to start the program just a few months after Chris was born, and 3 years later, with 2 pre-schoolers and a baby-in-the-tummy, I completed the program. It still baffles me how I managed to complete 10 modules, 20 assignments, and pass 10 exams, while taking care of 2 toddlers on my own. That's when I know I couldn't have done it without the grace and wisdom of God, and the support of my family and loved ones.

Tonight is really not about me. It's the culmination of the efforts and sacrfices of dh and my parents. When I asked my Dad if I should do it, he said, " I will do my best to support you." And he did that by babysitting my kids when I went to class, even when he was going through chemo- therapy. My Mom meal planned and made sure everyone was fed. Dh took leave, and came home early to help take care of the kids when I had to go to classes or take exams. He allowed me to do my assignments after the kids slept at night and did the chores and did not complain ( too much) about me neglecting his needs.

I still remember rushing into night class late, almost every time, because I would have to nurse the baby, and then dashing out once the prof said, " I think we're done for tonight." I missed mostof the announcments made in class, only to find out when I missed a reading the following week.

Thank you, God, dh, Dad, Mom.